I Need To

Thank you all for your kind comments and support on my last post about my daughter. Every little bit of support counts these days. I have felt like I am both flailing and failing as I try to navigate all this new medical information and care basically alone, to the point that between hospital visits I took my girl and we went to stay with relatives for a week because I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I am so glad to have family that loves us and cares for us that I can just crash on them and say "I just can't. Here we are." Their love gave me strength to keep going. I just wish we lived closer to family, because it is a long flight away and not something we can do again anytime soon. My Aunt may come and stay with us for a bit later this year and for that I am thankful.

I have been so consumed with caring for my family's needs that my own needs have not even been on the radar lately. But the other day, after another specialist doctor visit that gave some needed direction (and is referring her for physical therapy to help with her ability to walk and balance and be strong, and possibly reduce pain, as well as ordering orthotics to help with this) I felt a slight relief like we are on the right path with her... and during that relief my own body told me HEY. You have GOT to pay some attention to ME. I had a sudden awareness of how terribly unwell I have become. Nutrition and sleep lacking, stress levels high, exercise non-existent, my own body has been unable to even fight off so much as a cold without it turning into bronchitis, ear infections, sinus infections, and other long-running illness that just will not heal. I am on my third round of antibiotics and have been kind of a low grade of sick for months... not sick enough to have a fever or have to stay home, but just a general unwellness with little persistent symptoms like fluid in my ears or stuffiness or coughing just at night. I am completely exhausted and all of my joints hurt. My knees pop and crack and I get random pains in my hips and feet. And my rosacea has flared up to the worst it has ever been, causing my face to be red and sore and itchy even with medicated creams. I have almost constant headaches and my "happy place" has become, as it was a decade ago, sitting in front of the TV at night with a pint of Haagen Dasz after a long day.

I know that as I head downhill healthwise it is affecting my ability to meet the needs of my child, and I just cannot have that happen. She needs me and I certainly need to have the energy and focus to deal with all the appointments she has every week, especially now that we are adding PT.

I have scheduled appointments for myself with doctors who can help me get better. I am going back to the endocrinologist to check on my Hashimoto's thyroid disease, and another doctor who can help me get a handle on the infections that won't go away. I need to gather all the strength I have and do good for my health with it by getting more sleep and relaxation, making time for a long walk every day, and cleaning up my eating.

Thanks for listening. I am glad to have this place to sort out my thoughts, and even gladder to have your support and prayers.



Weight Loss