So far I am doing okay without the Phentermine. I am definitely eating a bit more volume, but trying to make that added volume nutritious and low calorie/carb. This week we went to a potluck dinner and there were several food choices; I settled on a chicken vegetable soup (with no pasta or rice in it), some raw veggie sticks with dip, and a few cubes of fresh melon and pineapple. That's pretty much what I would have chosen to eat on phentermine, but I was hungry again before bed and needed a low carb snack. Right now I am baking some chicken drumsticks for lunch, and will make some broccoli salad to go with them (or to have in the afternoon when I get hungry). I am kind of just pretending I am still on the phentermine and behaving in the same way I did when taking it (you know how you feel like you don't want to "mess up" and are more motivated to be stricter when there is a short term crutch involved? It's like that.)
Funny thing. You know how I wrote about how I have been wearing large, loose clothing all winter so my body is not really on display as much as it will be in warmer weather? And how with the new bra, smaller jeans, tighter sweaters I was getting some more attention? Well it started to get a little overwhelming lately, so I actually went back to the crappy bra and bigger clothes for a few days this week. It felt like I could "hide" a bit and not have to feel weird about all the looks and comments (which I do like, but after awhile I start to feel self conscious). So yesterday when we went to our church's Ash Wednesday service, I deliberately wore my big, loose jacket and not-tight jeans to avoid any attention. It didn't work, though... a friend who I haven't seen in 3 months was standing with another friend and when I walked up she just gasped and said "Oh my God, you have lost so much weight!! You look amazing!" I admit that made me smile. It felt good. I couldn't help but wonder how shocked she'd have been if I was in clothes that actually fit and a good bra! Made me laugh.
Last night I dreamed about weight loss. I dreamed of trying on a lot of new clothes and noticing that every time I tried something on that fit, the next time I wore it, it was too big. In my dream, though, it was not upsetting. It made me happy, even though I kept having to find new clothes to wear. I was content and satisfied with my new body and its changes. Accepting of it. There was no anxiety about it like there has been in real life in the past. When I woke up, I felt this is the new attitude I am adopting about my weight loss. It feels so much calmer and happier... exactly what I need.
Weight Loss
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